| When I said there are some strange
diets…let me tell you about one diet I read about. It is called the "Caveman
Diet," and supposedly you can eat only those things that cavemen ate. I gave this
diet some serious consideration but ultimately ruled it out after going to several area
groceries without finding any filet of mammoth or "Saber-toothed Tiger Tidbits."
I know cavemen used to eat those things because I saw it on "The Flintstones." Diet selected
Instead, I decided upon (drum roll please)...(go along now and try to actually hear the
drum roll, it's important to get us in the right frame of mind)..are you ready? "Dr.
Atkins' New Diet Revolution."
As I said, I may need your help.
Right away you're probably saying, "That's an old diet, jeez Louise, it started
back in the 70's, was revised in the 90's (that's why it now includes the word
"new"). And you would be right. Then you would probably say, "Wait, I'm not
through, Dr. Atkins has a new diet book out called "Dr. Atkins' Age-Defying Diet
Revolution."
And then I would give you a "don't go there" look, knowing you well enough to
anticipate your next comments.
But you go there anyway and make some remark like, "At 48 years of age, you might
want to stop that runaway "calendar train" while you're trying to derail the
"weight freight!"
Dramatic change needed
Despite your suspect sense of humor, I manage a polite smile. I also realize that a
cataclysmic collision is just what I'm facing if I don't make a dramatic change sooner
rather than later. One of my grandfathers succumbed to heart disease and the other to
diabetes.
There are some common denominators with the two diseases, one being weight (as in
excess weight, especially a lot of excess weight) and another is diet, (as in refined
sugars and carbohydrates).
"All right," you say, wanting to get right to work on the helpful part,
"how much do you weigh now?"
"Well," I become withdrawn and shy, "let's just say...(I search for a
word that doesn't sound too harsh. I try to avoid words like "obese." I really
dislike that word.
Recently I asked my now-retired physician to find a more suitable word to write on my
chart. He stopped writing, looked up at me and said, "OK, get back up on the
scales." I did so and he checked my weight again and said, "OK, sit back
down."
When he again went to work writing on my chart, somehow he couldn’t resist using
the word "obese."
"Hey!!!" I retorted, sure that we had had a deal.
"I've had you as a patient since you were in elementary school," he snorted,
looking over the rim of his glasses, "I've never lied to you or on your chart before
and my last entry won't start any of that nonsense. Lose weight!"
Weighty question
"How much do you weigh now?" you ask persistently.
"Right now you're not helping, hang on a minute," I implore, "Let me
explain why I'm asking for your help. When I suggested that I might start a diet mission,
(and that's what it is), my publisher, Linda Coffman, recalled John Graham, a former
Sidney Daily News reporter, chronicling his attempts to lose weight through diet and
exercise. An illness halted the series before he could complete it. Her thoughts were that
I could use the approach in my weight loss program. Our editor, Jeff Billiel, also seemed
to think it was a good idea.
'Yeah, yeah, how much do you weigh now?," you repeat.
"You're not helping," I again caution.
"You see, if I do this, it will be quite different than the other 37 attempts, in
that those times only my family and close friends, perhaps my co-workers were aware of my
attempts. With this approach, all those folks PLUS some 13,600 households representing
over 30,000 readers could be following my every move. I mean, if I even thought of falling
off the diet, there would be any number of you there to say, "uh, uh. uh!").
"Spoken like an advertising director," you say, nodding, "you don't have
any problem throwing those readership numbers out, but ahhh...how much do you weigh now?"
"You're stilllllll not helllllllping," I sing.
Need encouragement
What I need is your encouragement, maybe some of your own stories of success, what has
worked for you, tips to encourage me to avoid "cheating" on my diet...that sort
of thing. You can e-mail me at rfisher@sdnccg.com."
"How much..." you start to ask, but I interrupt you.
"The other thing is, that as a member of the Sidney Noon Kiwanis Club, we are
"fined" each time our name or photo appears in The Sidney Daily News.
Twenty-five cents for your name, a dollar for a photo. It's a good cause, the money goes
to help fund our worldwide Iodine Deficiency Program (IDD) to aid primarily third world
countries add iodine to their salt supply to prevent a wide variety of crippling diseases
and developmental disorders. And I don't mind paying the fine, but the
"Finemeister" is Mike Becker and I need to find a way to work his name into each
of these weekly articles so, as he collects my fine each week, he'll also be
kicking into the fund."
"I'm sure you can handle that," you nod, "But the real question
is…how much do you weigh now?"
"Ok, I finally answer, "My ideal weight is between 175 and 180 according to
the weight charts for my height and bone size, and I currently weigh 270."
"Ohhhhh myyy....jeeez, wow, are you kidding, holy moly (whistle) oooooo
eeee...?" you gasp.
"Ok, now you're not helping...."
NEXT WEEK: The pre-diet physical check up, official weigh-in, pre-diet measurements
and tests for cholesterol, triglyceride, glucose, insulin and uric acid.
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